Tuesday, November 3, 2009 . 3:56 AM
im tired.im sorry.
im pissed off.
im hurt.
im not ok.
i dont care.
i wanna quit.
i wanna die.
okay no im perfectly fine, and so is my hand.
silhouettes of broken dreams.
Saturday, October 31, 2009 . 2:46 AM
i dont know how long i can keep up this act. today itself was pain enough.but i know gotta keep on going.
Friday, October 30, 2009 . 3:11 AM
you don't have to give a shit, i know you don't want to. depressed and dejected. i'd still like to know, why you would pretend to give a fuck.----- Friday, 30 Oct, 2009. 2:14 am
i'm so sorry
that i dont make you feel any better,
that idk what to say when you're down,
that i cant make you smile when i know thats what you need,
that i can't fill the space between our conversations so i dont make you feel uncomfortable,
that you're hurt and i don't know what to say,
that im boring,
that you prefer someone else to me,
that i hold you back,
that i dont make you happy,
that i dont make you laugh,
that i give you trouble,
that i ruin everything for you,
that im not good enough for you,
that i know i shld just not get in your way,
that i know im just feeling insecure,
that i believe you wont leave me,
that i dont say much,
that i dont click with you as well as others,
that i honestly dont know what to do,
that you're my friend and idk how to show you i love you too.
maybe all im feeling is nothing and its being over played in my head. no but im sure. like i told friend just now, : it doesnt matter what i say, and if ppl dont understand it, as long as i do. in fact, idc if they dont understand, cause i know you all think im daft but i know what im saying. and i meant everything i wrote.
now im dead tired. like really fuck dead tired. but i dont want to leave a friend.
Thursday, October 29, 2009 . 3:54 AM
it's as if.. the world is alr forgetting abt me. even ppl i know. it hurts like fuck. but i promised i wldnt complain when that day came. so i wont.i wear a mask,
but now there's a crack in it.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009 . 3:39 AM
what the hell is wrong with me la fuck.thank god ppl dont notice me and stuff. if not i'd prob not want to go back to sch anymore. but what makes me think they'll care anyway? ah whatever, life's so screwed anyhow. a disease starting with the letter D is starting to get to me. i honestly hope 1 day when i'm walking all alone somewhr that an airplane will fall out of the sky and onto me and burst into flames that can melt metal so i'll be so burnt that im ashes.
ohmyfuck. stupid me. dont make me do this to me.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009 . 3:51 AM
things have suddenly hit me really hard. why didnt i notice before? what am i gonna do.i feel like throwing up.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009 . 4:37 AM
i honestly dont know whats going on now. not in the 'blur' way but the what-the-fuck-is-wrong way. am i that useless that i cant even understand my friends? like okay maybe its cause i dont know them as well as i want to yet. but i just feel so angry at myself that i can't make them feel better. or i dont know whats bothering them so i can help them with it. feels to me like they dont give a shit abt me anyway. but shld i be at all surprised giving the kind of person that i am? i shld prob have no friends at all in the first place? i'll never hold a grudge against anyone if they leave me behind. if im meant to be forgotten, then so be it. i'll shut up and not put up a fight. it's hard for me to get close to a person. why? hurts like a nail being hammered through my skull when i think of friendship, and my foolishness to think that ppl wld care abt me the same way i care abt them. cast out and forgotten. am i that worthless to all of you? slowly day by day i can feel that im being forgotten more and more. like i dont fit in anymore and shld be a misfit for all my life. im lucky for all the ppl i meet and actually bond with but it bugs me to no end wondering if that'll all come to an end. maybe im not cut out for those 'beautiful lifetime friendships'? insecurity around ppl always wraps around me like a thick, invisible fog whenever im with ppl. though i try very hard not to show it. i wish somebody wld notice all of it. understand me maybe? but thats too much to ask. who cld?one day the world is just gonna leave me behind. and when that day comes, i wonder. will i be happy that they dont have me there to cause them more hindrance? or will i be sad that i'll truly be left all alone? i dont wanna be selfish.
Sunday, October 11, 2009 . 4:01 AM
shit la stupid shirts. i wanted it damn badly and the first day i asked the sales girl how much it was, she told me 34.90 so i thought ok la not so bad cause the shirt was damn nice. then next day went back the price tag wasnt thr so i asked how much it was again and she said 59.90. FIFTY NINE FREAKING NINETY. I WAS FUCKING SAD CAN. like nooooooooooooooooooooo. urgggggggggg BROKE MY HEART INTO TINY PIECES ): i really wanted that shirt! fuck. then i thought like nvm la. nxt time. THEN AT THE SAME SHOP isaw another fucking nice shirt. 59.90. I SWEAR IF I HAD A KNIFE I WLD HAVE STABBED MYSELF THR AND THEN. ): WHA. MY HEART FROM SHATTERED PIECES, BECAME DUST ALRDY AND GOT BLOWN AWAY BY THE WIND. DAMN IT. DAMN SAD. like, really pls. WHY THE FUCK ARE SG'S THINGS SO EXPENSIVE? PLUS I REALLY REALLY LIKE THAT SHOP ): nooooooooooooooooooo. bloodymothercow. so in the end i didnt get either. sure to regret it la but whatever beggars cant be stupid. no money still want to spend like i own a bank? yeah right. save the money better. help my grandparents. but i can still feel sad. and yes i am. STILL SAD. sad until you dunno how pls. haven't bought anything new in like, last yr? 11 mths? close to a year shit. ok whatever i wont rant anymore.past 3 days has been
okay how do i help my sis i know she's struggling. i need and want to help her but idk how. i know she wants things to go well for herself and i want that too. i don't think she knows how to get it. and i dont want her to make the same mistakes i did. i dont wanna get on her nerves and i really do love her alot. she's got hope. right now she likes someone and i know she's confused and stressed abt it. :/ poor girl i hope she gets that person. and if one day, EVER,
Tuesday, October 6, 2009 . 2:13 AM
maturity.maturity.
when an older sibling gives way to their younger siblings to avoid a fight?
when children know not to disturb adults during a serious conversation?
when a person knows right from wrong, doing it just right or going too far?
revenge, or keeping it all in knowing that the other person who caused you the hurt isn't even worth it?
accepting that death will come sooner or later?
knowing you can't always get what you want?
when governments, presidents, kings, queens and all powers of authority know how to abstain from wars at all costs because it just hurts innocent bystanders?
when children know sacrifice for life or death?
maturity.
i was thinking about it. and wondered why some people of the same age are so mature while others arent. i thought :'maybe its cause some are forced into it?' like maybe they've gone through much more than other kids their age have. so they HAVE to become mature? but then again, it's not like that. they have to UNDERSTAND first right? they have to be WILLING to accept and understand before they grasp the situation and LEARN to be mature enough. so maturity can't be forced, it has to be LEARNT. right? maturity isn't all about thinking alot and then doing nothing about it. like say: hm. okay the world is at war now. there are soldiers everywhere and any noise i make could mean someone close by dies in a raid. time to go back to playing my loud-ass video games and blasting my music just so im satisfied. --wtf? that's immature. but then again, immaturity also means being childish. children: they don't comprehend the dangers and extents of anything. be it the situations or the consequences. but then again, the opposite of childishness, is being an adult? why does immature carry the word CHILD in its same meaning of 'CHILDishness'? why not 'ADULTishness'? get my drift? like how when im typing this the dictionary had no problem with 'CHILDishness' cause it is a word, and then it highlights 'ADULTishness' in red cause there's NO SUCH THING? i don't understand why its so biased. mature children and immature adults are two very REAL things, are they not? and i've seen ALOT of adults who ALSO don't act the opposite of childishly. childish adults. an oxymoron? mature kids. an oxymoron?
maturity.
when adults say 'grow up!' doesnt it mean 'be more mature!' ? what if the kid is already 'mature' in a sense? why dont kids say to adults 'grow up!' ? is it because adults are already grown up and saying it to them just seems a little odd? it shldn't be, right? because in the sense, isn't it the same?
watching cartoons, immature?
forgetting, immature?
feeling emotions, immature?
not following mainstream cultures, immature?
acting the way you are and not the stereotyped way, immature?
you, alone, standing up to everyone else about your own beliefs while they beat you down about it. immature?
needing to depend on someone, immature?
needing someone to be by your side. immature?
why're all these things immature? i don't see why they are. maybe it's cause im immature? but i dont think so. i just think i dont see things the way most 'adults(?)' do. its like the way CONVENIENCE defines the thin line of right and wrong. :
'you're already an adult! do it by yourself!' / 'you're not allowed to! you're still a child in my eyes.' confusing and FRUSTRATING much?
mature and immature, such a fine line.
what is all this insane rambling coming from me? i don't understand half of what i've written.
Friday, October 2, 2009 . 3:04 AM
damn tired. waiting for music to load but its taking foreverrrrrrrrrr. think its cause i tried to d/l too many songs at once:/ yeah must be.today was quite a happy day i think(: a few disappointing things but overall still (Y) heh.
going to Ratna's hse on sat. i swear when you jalan raya you learn ALOT of new words. hahahahha and its awesome fun. Ahmad's and Shah's mum DAMN DAMN DAMN cute! O:
okay goodnight going to mac tmr with my sis to watch her study. maybe i'll sketch too.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009 . 4:52 PM
i am really so damn bloody pissed off right now. today was Ahmad's birthday(: Happy Birthday Ahmad! congrats on turning 20! (i know you think you're still 17 la O:) celebrated for him at Vivo which was extremely fun. poor angie hurt her finger though. got a MASSIVE splinter in it and i helped her take it out though it caused her immense pain ): sorry angie ): but seriously the splinter was HUGE. D: scary. update more abt Vivo later when im awake again. cheers!feels like it hasn't rained in ages. it probably hasn't. ah well. im super tired. shld stop sleeping so late in the morning :/ got a doc's appointment later and then out at 5 again :/ i think i need a planner D: somehow though, it wld only seem to be good during the holidays. wonder why?
tues: doc's appt and gymming
weds: jalan raya and before that, out with a senior
thurs: netball at sc? and dinner with 4CO
fri: free day? can't rmb.
sat: Ratna's open hse
damn. why so busy? ):
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming,
Or the moment of the truth in your lies.
When everything feels like the movies,
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.
Friday, September 25, 2009 . 2:00 AM
lately it's been weird. can a person be meaning to cry? im guessing not and im just weird. ah well that's big news.everytime i see you, i try not to look. i know im supposed to know you but it isn't that easy for me. all the rest seem to have no prob just going hey but my mouth just clamps shut and refuses to utter a friendly greeting whenever you're around. still it isnt easy for me to do what im doing and as usual i've already quite given up because like always, it'll probably never get past where it is now. with experience comes acceptance so im just gonna live with it like i've done oh-so-many-times. and let everything pass me by as if i dont care. and lie to myself and others when they ask just so when it's proven i won't need to take a hit and kill myself more. i wish normal pills wld work for that. but thr's been no invention of it yet.
i'll do what i do best -- pretend not to care.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009 . 2:53 AM
fuck im so screwed.my portfolio and journal is due tmr for Justin and i dont have ANYTHING done. damn it. im so bloody pissed off right now. my hunger's not helping me much.
ok i've still done nth. i'll just get an mc tmr and pass my work to Justin on weds. fuck i hope he doesn't wanna kill me too badly and i hope the fucking system is still working. -.- im off to sleep right now.
a gunshot on the floor
i think i just might be.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009 . 1:43 AM
nth much to blog abt today. just that im getting more and more annoyed -- you know. and sry to Shah and Anisa and MZ for the sudden scariness abt the whole waiting thing. not your fault maybe im just pmsing (though i highly doubt it) but yeah whatever man who cares (: after class went for DESIGN GETS PHYSICAL-NETBALL. I CANT EXPRESS HOW FUCKING HAPPY EXHILARATED HIGH EUPHORIC ECSTATIC I AM THAT I GOT TO PLAY AGAIN. eventhough it's been like, a year and a half since i last touched a netball? shit the moment started playing again the feeling was indescribable. i miss everything abt it man. sigh. wont get to play it often but as long as i get to its fine ((: extremely happy. yeah thats abt it for today. dunno if thr's anything wrong with my knee after playing but i dont think so. which makes me even happier. my right knee did gve way so i ended up sitting on the floor :/ but THANK GOD my left knee is fine :DD bahahahahha(xtrying to come up with ideas for my 3D art fundamentals final right now. gonna slp by 2. if anyone disturbs me, they dieeee D:
OH SHIT OH SHIT. TODAY'S 09.09.09!!
Monday, September 7, 2009 . 4:21 PM
creast and 3D are killers. didnt sleep for 2 nights in a row just trying to finish my work. and then was late for sch the next morning and got scolded. fml man. slept through the class cause i didnt give a shit anymore. Shan's birthday coming up on the 19th and we're going back THR again. wtf right :/ damn embarrassing.anyway. just saw Rambo 4 on Uriah's com. fucked up shit. bodies being decimated and shot in half and heads blown off and cut in half and ew ew ew. LOL but damn funny too. EXCITING SIOLZZZZZ. ABI SAYS HI. and she's being weird.:D okay my whole class is weird. now they'r creating new names for me. new topic man -.-
annoying person annoying me. sigh. should relax a little. why so pissed?:/ Shah being cute xD anisa saying she's cute. and ku ku disappeared off to be cute somewhr else (: ahahaha ok im procrastinating.
things i have to do:
- mobile by tmr
- 3 ideas for 3D final, complete with sketches, dimensions, materials used and concept.
- 12 journal entries. but that one can wait a little longer, maybe do a few.
- paper making by tmr so it can dry by fri
yeah i think thats about it. sounds like so little man. as if ._. im dead ):
----- Monday, 7 Sept, 2009. 4:15 am
pls stop annoying me. sigh.
Monday, August 24, 2009 . 1:39 AM
i was so fucking wasted ytd that i dont rmb anything that happened after 3 am. i was saying bullshit that wasnt true. like saying that i liked this guy that i DONT. omfg. kill me pls. and he took care of me for the rest of the night. damn it how come i cannot rmb. then shan damn fierce can. ah wtf wtf. no more wasted days for me pls. NO MORE. DAMN MALU PAI SEH WTF. and the best part?! THE GUY ASKED ME TO CALL HIM WHEN I GOT HOME. FUCK?! AS IF I WLD. gahhhhhhhhhhhh. whatever. ytd was just a try out only so yeah. not doing anything as dumb as that again. ugh. why am i so brilliant. tmd.other than that, i had a great time with shan the past few days. miss her like nobody's business. D: i miss someone else too come to think of it but i shant mention the person's name. cause its stupid. anyhow. my head's feeling kinda numb and as usual, i dont have a hang over(: which is great cause.. well yeah cause of the obvious reasons.
i dont want sch to start laterrrrrrr. 1 mth of waking up at 7 in the freaking morning and getting back at like, 7+ is gonna suck like shit. and thats not including the work time or the staying back time im gonna have to do. how to survive dammit! oh hey but the good news is i'll get to see everyone again. AND THERE'S TEH PING. O: AWESOME. ahahahha. ok retarded. im hungry.
yay. ok, bye.
Saturday, August 22, 2009 . 1:07 AM
haven't blogged in an extremely extremely long time D: nth much to say cause idk whr to begin. um. free block is kinda fun. helped out with esther's locvid proj quite a bit. got freaking bronchitis): went out. caught up with some ppl. stayed at home. sleep. kinda cool but tiring cause you gotta constantly find things to do. anisa and i always go back to sch for teh ping also. :D so retarded uh :D go to sch just to drink teh ping and slack(: but yeah enjoyed every bit of company i had. even met some ppl for the first time ((: hurhurhurrrrrrr anywayyyyyy- i wont admit it. i wont admit it. i wont admit it. but everytime you look my way and smile i go a little nuts. but im still not sure abt anything ):
Tuesday, July 21, 2009 . 12:51 AM
today was a weirdly eventful day. apart from not getting any sleep ytd, i had still not finished sketching things into my sketchbook. left for sch at arnd 12.20. after around half an hr in sch, I SUDDENLY GOT A DIRT RASH. ok, actually now that i think of it, maybe it was a heat rash? anyway, i was kinda pissed off that it happened at that moment. so i went to the toilet and attempted to wash myself with the hand soap a little to get rid of the rash cause that normally works. but idk how i got the rash in the first place. i BATHED BEFORE GOING TO SCH. i always do DD: thats why im suspecting it wasnt a dirt rash and more of a heat rash. cause i was feeling kinda hot though thr was air con. so, i had a brilliant idea (or was it shah's idea?) to go have a bath in sch! :DD yay! ._. so me, anisa, and shah went to the bookshop to buy soap. THR IS NO LIQUID TYPE OF BODY WASH DD: lousy. only the Johnson's bar one:/ tsk. so paid 85c for that and went to the sports complex showers((: used tissue too dry off -.- what else cld i do? oh and i threw away the soap. kinda regretting wasting it now. but its really inconvenient to carry bar soaps arnd! the sch shld invest in liquid types!! and the rash started to disappear. :D was kinda getting really irritated with the blotches appearing earlier. went off to class happily(: i wont ever forget that incident. ahahahha then when we got to class we spent some time looking at ghost pictures on the sfogs website which is up again?(since when?) then i started to do my work and touch up on one of the locational sketches i had. when it was my turn to see amanda, SHE TOLD ME I CLDNT USE THOSE LOCATIONAL SKETCHES THAT I SPENT FREAKING 2 DAYS ON CAUSE THEY WEREN'T "LOCATIONAL". meaning i didnt draw them on location and on the spot.) DAMN. WASTED FUCKING EFFORT. fml man! srsly! then i told her abt my idea to do Hansel & Gretel for my final and she gave me the thumbs up plus some tips. she's really good! ok and aside from that at like, 9.30 or 10, someone from DSC called and told me i was in! i was kinda extremely shocked and i think i said "ARE YOU (freaking?) SERIOUS?" into the phone quite loudly. ah well. now im under even more stress cause i got to REDO MY LOCATIONAL SKETCHES, ADD MORE SKETCHES INTO MY SKETCHBOOK, RESEARCH ON REFERENCES AND IDEAS FOR MY FINAL, AND DO MY FINAL. ALL BY 3 THIS THURS. WTBFA. and the camp for DSC is compulsory from 24th to 26th. if i dont end before 4 on Sunday, im gonna have to leave early cause i gotta go to my sis's band performance which i promised her i'd attend since like, damn long ago. :/ did i mention idk anyone in DSC? except aaron:/ damn. sheesh. ok back to looking for references. NO MORE PROCRASTINATING.what an eventful day wasnt it? oh and i dont think i'll be sleeping for the next 2 days. yay. shit.
Monday, July 20, 2009 . 4:54 AM
By: Chrissie64 on Flickr -Note: i don't claim credit for this!
i was looking for things to draw into my sketchbook and i found this image. how cool is that man. makes me happy to just stare at the pretty thing all day. but i have to draw now, so i think i'll find another day to stare at it ): im so tired alrrrrr. and im still dead tmr. fuck.
----- Monday, 20 Jul, 2009. 2:27 am
ladyblackmetal says:
kill me too
hahaha
MONG; one coin, two sides says:
damn.
):
kuku imma gonna cry soon
ladyblackmetal says:
im gonna
but i need to find a bigger tank for u
just in case
hahaha
MONG; one coin, two sides says:
LOL
why a bigger tank?
ladyblackmetal says:
when u cry, u will rise up the water level in ur tank
MONG; one coin, two sides says:
LOLOLOLOLOL
omg
-.-
ladyblackmetal says:
so i scared u'll swim with the overflow
hahaha
i want my darling!!
MONG; one coin, two sides says:
LOL
:D
ratna makes me feel better in a way. still not solved my so-dead-tmr dilemma but yeah. damn glad i finished my 3 locational drawings. but now i still have like many many more sketches to draw): and ohmytian sia. i haven't even STARTED on my final. fuck? amanda wants to see the progress we've made tmr. and i have NOTHING TO SHOW. crap! )))))): this really is like o's again. shit. back to drawinggg. fucking hope i'll pick up the pace and produse SOME good work? or at least PASSABLE stuff so it does look slip shot and shabby. i guess the final i'll just have to get scolded first and then chiong -.- did i mention i hate this block? yeah well. i hate this block. sigh.
i'm missing someone now, but idk who:/ AND AND AND: i've got my eyebrow piercing (x
Thursday, July 16, 2009 . 4:59 PM
hello world, i'm so bored now D: in class slacking cause i've got no mood to draw and i've just finished one locational sketch. damn i still have 2 more and i was supposed to start on my final assignment today:/ depressing. Ahmad's M&Ms are keeping me off the edge. and no matter what, i'm gonna finish the other 2 sketches by today. if not def no time. and i haven't even filled my sketchbook yet. shit shit SHIT. i still have like, five million one hundred thousand ninety nine sixty five two thousand sketches left. ok fine, maybe like 12 more? but its gonna feel like a hell of alot more to deal with. how the heck am i supposed to finish my final by this thurs? and i havent even gotten an idea of what to draw. ok, i have. but i can't find any references to work with. that's basically what's holding me back from starting on it first. ): so dead. maybe i shld ask for an extension? but then when can i pass it up after that. stresss man.Wednesday, July 15, 2009 . 12:42 AM
supposed to have no sch for the next 3 day but i think i might be going back almost all the days? or maybe just tmr. and then the other 2 go somewhr to do my locational sketches. ah anyway. i'm so so so tired and worn out. i think after this post, i'll go play a few games or solitaire and then crash(: ok wait. i have to find some references so i can start my final tmr:/ kinda stressed abt it cause idk if i can draw fast enough or produce a good piece of work. damn, but i'll try my best. and i think i better call my mother tmr just in case she decides to call me first and i get an earful D: i think im seriously gonna get my eyebrow pierced. :D and then try to hide it. ahahahh. from my parents at least. i just asked my bro "eyebrow or lip?" and he was like "none, you look bad enough as it is." DDDDDDDD: ass hole! ): ): i tried it just now. nothing that'll make you high and neither is it very fun? but its really amusing. ahmad, abi, and anisa will know what im saying. and anisa and abi you know what i said to do if ever. hahahha time to find references! i plan to sleep by 1.30 :/Monday, July 13, 2009 . 2:31 AM
pretend like you never read this, please.since when did i start caring whether or not i did homework and whether or not i was doing the right thing? its suddenly dawned on me that i've changed by mile-stones and i don't know whether i like it that way or not. watching what goes on when we go out, i can hardly stand it. if i really look, i think i'd lose my mind? thats why i avoid their gazes and put on some insanely huge, unnatural to me smile that i know they always all fall for. who wants to know the confused, fucked up, not so right me with everything thats going on in my "perfect" head? i doubt i'd actually want anyone sucked into that huge void. all the 'nothing!' 'it's fine!' 'i'm fine!' 'no la!' 'of course not!' 'yeah i will' no i wont' 'dont worry' all the shit there is. all those people who've told me before 'i'm always here for you' 'you can tell me anything' its all bullshit. dont you think i know that you'd rather be spending time worrying for other people that you actually WANT to care abt? why wld you wanna hear anything i have to say when they're more important to you than i'll ever be? what i unintentionally saw when i turned around that day made me wonder, wld it have been the same for anyone next to you, or just that person so that you'd go out of your way to protect from even the tiniest little things? i think i carried on laughing after that though i think something dropped in me. i would NEVER NEVER purposely get close to a person for the benefits, if you know what i mean. neither would i voluntarily tell you how i really feel or what the fuck is actually going on. you think it's that easy getting it out of me? burden you for nothing, as if. before, i told myself i wldnt do alot of things. now? i think i've done almost the whole list? minus the sex and drugs. another reason i dont say anything is cause people naturally ASSUME that if you're down or got something on your mind thats normally incomprehensible to the ppl who've never experienced it, then they're emo, poser, attracting attention or wanting pity. as if i'd take any of that shit from you all. i despise that. i'd rather confine myself and drink it out or sit it out or something. that way no one wld know and they wldnt have a fucking reason to start bitching abt me and my business. or how i'm emo or poser or wanting pity or attention seeking wtf. do i look like that to you?! annoying idiots. you'd definitely understand MYOB right, shallow, bubble-headed, judgmental, insensitive, numb-skulls?
so unless you mean it, don't talk to me.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009 . 3:42 AM
ok, i'm gonna start on work again, after procrastinating for a long time. and playing solitaire. i admit it, i'm hooked. :/ i'm such a NERD. hahahha yeah well.. yeah. back to work. damn i'm effing tired. ): oh yeah here's a song. --and i really do feel like puking[Eminem]
There I go.. thinkin of you again
You, don't, know, how, sick, you, make, me
You make me fuckin sick to my stomach
Every time I think of you, I PUKE!
You, must, just, not, know-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ohh
You may not think you do, but you do
Every time I think of you, I puke!
I was gonna take the time to sit down and write you a little poem
But off of the dome would probably be a little more
More suitable, for this type of song - whoa
I got a million reasons off the top of my head that I can think of
Sixteen bars just ain't enough to put some ink ta
So fuck it I'ma start right here, I'll just be briefer
Bout to rattle off some of the reasons
I knew I shouldn't go and get another tattoo
of you on my arm, but what do I go and do?
I go and get another one, now I got two, ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooh
I'm sittin here, with your name on my skin
I can't believe I went and did this stupid shit again
My next girlfriend, now her name's gotta be Kim, shiii-iii-iii-iitt
If you only knew, how much I hated you
For every motherfuckin thing you've ever put us through
Then I wouldn't be standin here cryin over you, booo-ooo-ooo-ooo-hoo
You, don't, know, how, sick, you, make, me
You make me fuckin sick to my stomach
Every time I think of you, I PUKE!
You, must, just, not, know-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ohh
You may not think you do, but you do
Every time I think of you, I puke!
I was gonna take the time to sit down and write you a little letter
But I thought a song would probably be a little better
Instead of a letter, that you'd probably just shred up - yeah
I stumbled on your picture yesterday and it made me stop and think of
How much of a waste it'd be for me to put some ink ta
A stupid piece'a - paper I'd rather let you see how
much I fuckin hate you in a freestyle
You're a fuckin cokehead slut I hope you fuckin die
I hope you get to hell and Satan sticks a needle in your eye
I hate your fuckin guts you fuckin slut I hope you die, die-ie-ie-ie-ie-ie-ie!
But please don't get me wrong - I'm not bitter I'm mad
It's not that I still love you, it's not cause I want you back
It's just that when I think of you it makes me wanna yak, aaa-aaa-aaaak
But when else can I do, I haven't got a clue
Now I guess I just move on I have no choice but to
But every time I think of you, now all I wanna do, is puuu-uuu-uuuke!
You, don't, know, how, sick, you, make, me
You make me fuckin sick to my stomach
Every time I think of you, I PUKE!
You, must, just, not, know-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ohh
You may not think you do, but you do
Every time I think of you, I puke!
God damn...
Fuckin bitch
Tuesday, July 7, 2009 . 2:09 PM
damn the inconsiderate, annoying ppl just now in the library. thank god they're gone now:/ i'm hungry! and we're gonna eat in around another 5 mins(: yay im craving for the malay food in the Design canteen:D shah, im not pregnant. -.------ Tuesday, 7 Jul, 2009. 1:39 am
when you are sunburnt, dont/NEVER:
1. fight with ppl. -when they hit you it hurts 3 times more. plus, the after feeling stings for quite awhile.
2. use a haversack kinda bag! STICK TO SLINGS. that way you can transfer the weight from one shoulder to the other at a time. or you can support the bag with your hand so it doesnt actually rest on your shoulder.
3. be clumsy. try to minimise the accidental bumps which just cause you more agony.
4. give ppl ideas as to how they can torture you. by mistake of course.]
5. use moisturizer. it doesnt work.
there are others but i cant be bothered to list them down.
besides, something just came up and now im fucking pissed off, fucking angsty, and overall, just in a fuckingly bad fucked up mood. fuck. yay me. and no, i DON'T feel like talking about it to everyone. go be a shrink somewhr else.
in the corner of my mind i'm making a mental note of updating my blog more often. reminder: viewer discretion is advised. (:
translation- childish kiddies please fuck off.
damn shits, go screw a rock.
Thursday, June 11, 2009 . 3:31 AM
i don't like you. you piss me off. everytime i see your face i want to turn around and walk away. have i ever told you i HATE people who think they know the whole world, or more accurately, want the whole whole world to know them? wtfs. go screw a rock. im sure THAT kinda news will get around fast and EVERYONE will know you. want it that way, right? i mean, are you that fucking desperate? your friend is talking to their friend, then then you bloody stick yourself between them and intro yourself to your friend's friend. how fucking annoying can you get. then after that 1 meeting, or few words, you add them on facebook, msn, or whatever it is and suck up to them like nobody's business. damn you. why don't you just add the whole freaking world and kiss all their asses? i'm sure then you'll be happy? cause you'll THINK the whole world loves you. but, yeah right. in reality they prob don't give a fuck who the hell you are, and think you're some puny tard. there are alot of other things i want to say abt you, but it wld make it too obvious. you might even know who you are now. i hope so.idk what to think now. how come i feel so empty. i shall just leave it and see what happens.
im gonna pierce my ears again(:
Thursday, May 21, 2009 . 1:53 AM
i'm feeling like shit now. how do i put it all down into words. it feels like the past is coming back, and i hate the feeling. plus all the confusions idk what to do. everything seems like its ok doesn't it. im quite drained and sick of everything. what i do isn't enough. so sue me if i'm not perfect, as if any one person is. hm, so why am i so bothered though. idk. im definitely some weirdo retard that won't ever actually be normal but i dont think i can change that. as if i'm that noticeable or worth remembering. i live in my own world most of the time because i can't be bothered with all the social politics. all those fake, hypocritical, shallow, inconsiderate, low eq, materialistic ass holes who just want their 3 year shot in the limelight can go screw a rock. as for those who are genuinely nice, i have nothing against you(: i feel like a black hole, kinda like an empty void. its somewhat creepy and nobody likes it. i want some kind of superhero to come and save me now. from what or who, idk. hey, maybe im just overly paranoid eh? yeah i probably just am. oh yeah, maybe im even schizophrenic! awesome that explains alot and i've kinda been suspecting that i am. even as i re-read what i've been typing for the past half hour off and on, i realise what i've written doesn't really link up in some parts -.- and it makes entirely NO sense at all. ok i guess i feel more than just shitty. yay i have the best thing in the world to look forward to: homework! what sane student doesn't love homework! love toiling in the dead of night for countless hours and then dragging our sleepy stoned asses to class without sleep? then proceed to sit through lessons while our brains try extremely hard to input data which will be lost immediately and unintentionally when we forcefully disconnect ourselves from the computer known as the lecturer and classroom? oh awesomeness we all love that. yeap. time to carry on with the cycle now. here i go into metaphorical suicide and solitude.i miss you. i know you most likely aren't coming back for a long, long time. and i can hear you sobbing over the phone though you try to hide it. you're probably missing my birthday, but we'll see if you actually rmb that soon. i hope you do, but there's a small part of me thats doubting it.
random thought: purposely killing my health.
Thursday, May 7, 2009 . 10:48 PM
so many things going through my head. how can i explain it to anyone. problems from before are resurfacing. i wonder why some ppl can't keep their mouths shut? if the problem doesn't end it should at least be ME who's not ending it and not you, bitch. you're wrong, im right. you know that, i know that. what right do you have to keep going on abt it when I can't even be bothered? ugh. i really am turning psycho. i dont make sense at all.my hair's blue again(: i don't care what you think of it, i like it.
haven't finished ideation work yet. cant get any pictures of animals without going to the zoo. gonna die writing essays. dont want my horrible work to be on display. not gonna be able to finish all my assignments by fri. what have i gotten myself into with DSC. what elections! campaigning?! can't understand why some ppl do the things they do. shit. the teachers kept saying dont stress dont stress to the whole class today. do we look that stressed? ah well. fml(:
Saturday, May 2, 2009 . 9:35 PM
ytd was fun, i guess. we watched X-Men Origins: Wolverine. and it rocked:DD seriously it was awesome! and then aft that we went to buy food and eat outside somewhr. hahaha then alot of ppl started to leave!): so left with, michelle, ashley, cliff, grace, huiting, meryl, me. so we walked to the esplanade and slacked. on the way there some of us stopped to buy ice cream. and stupid cliff(i hope you're reading this!) got free ice cream! D: ahahha ok no joking you're not stupid. but you really did get free ice cream. -_- well, anyway. then we sat at the bridge for awhile before everyone got bored. so we decided to go get drinks and sit and play truth or dare. so we walked to dunno whr and got our drinks and walked all the way to city hall again to find seats:D truth or dare was quite boring la. but ashley had to do really retarded dares. ahaha she's damn cute:D and then i think i drank my 2 bottles a bit too fast so i got a little teeny weeny bit tipsy. but i wasn't anywhere near even being high. so yeah hahhaha went to eat a litlle at macs and then went home.today had to bring my printer over to cliff's hse to do collage. i fell asleep a few times thanks to him making me wake up so early): ah well. slacked alot so i didnt manage to do much. cliff's collage looked weird, so he started cursing. he talks to his work... idk what to say abt that. hahaha anyway went home at 7 and i'm pretty sure i want to finish my collage by tonight! BUT I'M SO EFFING TIRED. and its only like, 9.33 ): what to do. got church tmr and i have no idea how to get thr cause its been relocated.=/ when am i gonna find the time to go to the zoo omg): ): shit la i need time!
do i mean it, or don't i? what to do.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009 . 11:21 PM
today was.. cold. hahhaha well, after lunch it was. but in the morning it was normal(: class was exceptionally cold and the show we watched was gooooood! "Patch Adams" i think(: got down to our impromptu presentation of jack skellington and my sharp rubbery hamster character design assignment D: i guess i got a few ok-ish sketches. but they look kinda plain so i gotta figure out how i can make it look more interesting. since my hamsters is gonna be able to levitate, then maybe i shld design something like wings or a levitating skateboard for it:D ahahaha yeahhh! i'll try it later. slacked off aft class with ht, khai, and cliff as usual before meeting sheryl, grace, and js to go walk walk. well. actually, we were SUPPOSED to go walk walk la. like go to tampines shopping centre thr to look arnd cause we haven't been thr before. BUT. we took the wrong bus thx to AHEM. so we ended up somewhr in paya lebar?! and really had to WALK WALK to find our way back on track -_- oh well. in the end we didnt go tampines and just went to tpy int change so grace cld eat. js was whining cause he wanted to go home and do proj! ahahaha damn funny can(: um. now i'm bored back home =/ oh yeah. something damn cool. WE'RE GONNA HAVE FunDigPho CLASS TMR AT BUGIS. ahahahha yay!(: but have to reach at 8.30 ): so early ): gonna take 3 pics of anything we want for an assignment. and we can have breakfast first too! Mathias is awesome!(: then we're gonna come back at abt 12 and go for ideation:D where i'll have to rack my brain more to make my sharp, rubbery hamster look more interesting. how cld a sharp, rubbery hamster not look interesting alr right? but somehow i managed to make it look boring and normal. hahaha crapszxzxz. lack of imagination D:nothing much else happened today i guess. oh yeah. except for that annoying song js came up with, and he and cliff keep singing -_- very fun hor. js even said "eh! IT RHYMES." then i pointed out the song was made up of like, 2 words. hahhaha JS NOT MY BEST FRIEND ANYMORE):
I know sometimes things may not always
make sense to you right now
But hey, what'd daddy always tell you?
Straighten up little soldier
Stiffen up that upper lip
What you crying about?
You got me
Sunday, April 26, 2009 . 2:12 AM
went to sentosa today(: it was a DOC outing and it was quite fun but so bloody hot at first ahahah i got half thrown into the water though): then we went to have dinner at kfc before we went to sky something to sit around and talk. don't understand how ppl that i've known for so little time cld possibly know how i'm feeling when i didnt even say anything! the thing is, they got it right that i wasn't feeling very happy. though i kept telling them i was fine=/ seriously i must have weirded them out a bit D: some friends i've known for years can't even tell when i'm happy or not but they picked it up almost right away. i'm so amazed and idk, comforted? that i have friends like these((: and actually, when i said what i said, i wasn't joking. i wld have. and in the end i passed it off as a joke. see how things go i guess.maybe going to church tmr, maybe going to do my assignment with MOI class instead.
idk idk idk! ugh! so many things running through my head it's driving me crazy! who can i turn to now? pls someone just slap me really hard before i turn psycho, and tell me it's all just my mind playing things up and things aren't the way they are now
Friday, April 24, 2009 . 11:44 PM
MONG DEMANDS HONEY STARS):super tired now cause i just came back frm sch(: what's thr to say it was fun i guess. hahaha the guys were retarded and the girls can shake it!:D hope cliff gets well soon, and idk whether i shld go to sentosa tmr or not=/ gah.
Thursday, April 23, 2009 . 10:41 PM
today damn suay la): i tripped a few times on nothing but thats quite normal hahaha oh yeah! and a bus driver uncle gave me a free ride! :D ahahahaaa ok cause my ezlink had no money. then at first i was abt to put in 5$ into the money box thing. then the uncle said go change money with ppl, but no one had change. so i went back and looked very sad and he said "nevermind la today give you free ride" HAHAHHA yay!(: and then i was standing all the way to tpy int change and fell asleep standing too D: then when i reached the int change i walked up and down the whole place abt 5 or 6 times looking for 157 which is like, HIDDEN -_- so crap la. and now i can't rmb if i have any hw but i don't think so? =/ hope don't have heheheh. tmr maybe going to ting's cell grp meeting at riverwalk, but i'm not sure if i have time): i just rmbred, KHAI HAS MY RUBBER BAND! D: can't tie hair man! oh yeah. um. i'm not blur. <-- just stating a fact ok(x all you super bullies): hahahha tsk.after i saw that photo, i don't know how to feel. and so far, the facade has been holding up. but i'm starting to get worn, and i don't even know whether i'm actually helping or not. why can't i get to you?
Tuesday, April 21, 2009 . 10:32 PM
i'm so tired i actually fell asleep on the bus. that's not normal cause i usually cant sleep on public transport! maybe the heat's getting to me=/ gotta set my physio appt again now that i've got my timetable. maybe i can start running again(: this block's lecturers are quite cool hahaha hope they're all like this all the time. apparently work starts coming tmr=/ oh man my first assignment! and i need to get the MOI form from my cm but idk how to find her): better go ask someone tmr so i dont get into too much trble D: anyway i'm damn tired so i'm gonna sleep NOW :D ok fine, by 11(:Aloha au iā ‘oe
intuition
Sunday, April 19, 2009 . 3:48 AM
feels like i've been gone for 2 weeks! but actually i've been gone for only 3 days haha i smell nice and clean. the most normal bath i had aft coming back frm camp ytd(: the camp rocked btw:D my group Morko is awesome! our grp is the best!(every group claims they are the best so yeah hahaha) i miss my group mates alr): i think we bonded alot from the 2nd day onwards like around night walk time. the girls screaming, and the guys jumping cause we were screaming, and theresah the poor girl was shaking so hard! D: design has the best night walk everrrrrr i swear!(: hahaha so many things happened, so many ppl i want to talk more to. but i think i was kinda stoned cause i was lacking in sleep. i mean, normally now i sleep at 5 or 6 in the morning? but then i can wake up really late! at camp we slept at abt 4.30 or 5 every night and had to wake up by 8.30 everyday ): and not bathing until abt 2 or 3 in the morning was torture hahaha but camp's over now): so sad i hope morko keeps in touch though(:love you Morko:D
Saturday, April 11, 2009 . 3:49 AM
orientation is next week(: only thing is, they said the camp is a 4day 2night(?!) camp? what they didn't state was which night we don't have to stay over! awesome la. i'm not bringing a huge bag on the first day only to find out that's not the day. and neither am i gonna go unpacked and find out the last day is the day we don't have to stay over. i live too far for that! and i haven't packed yet ahahah. going out to buy camp stuff tmr though. with my sis and then going to find jo and esther and si yi for lunch and then jo's easter service and the expo(:time to rant.
is it my fault my mouth is like yours? poisonous enough to make someone crumble into themselves. you think i WANT you to leave? you think i ENJOY fighting with you? what the hell goes on in your twisted head, huh? honestly i'm tired of this. i retort cause it's a reaction to your childish and inappropriate accusations. you take it to mean all sorts of things. and i tell you, it all wldn't have happened if you kept your mouth shut. no, actually, you don't even have to keep your mouth shut. you cld try saying something..nice? or un-insulting if you will. doesn't even have to be a praise! but if you have something totally unnecessary or judgmental, and i answer with something you know is true and probably deem embarrassing for yourself, don't you dare shout at me or threaten me with your desperate attempt at covering up. i don't appreciate the way you don't think before you act and then scream at us. you know we care, and blatantly ignore that fact. instead you choose to wallow in your misery which btw, is killing you along with whatever shit you're doing. you keep telling us we don't know how hard it is. in truth you think we DON'T know how hard it is? when we don't answer you think, again, it's because we "don't care" about you. honestly? you think that's the way it REALLY is? of course we hear you. but what do you expect us to say? shall we shower you with comforting, soothing remarks and deny everything? i won't. besides that, how many times have we shown immense concern for you? and what did you do with that? purposely shove it in our faces by adding to it and telling us to keep out of your fucking business? time and time again we've tried, we've worked. doesn't help. not one bit. when's it gonna hit you in the face we love you? everyone's looking forward to that day. ugh. i'm gonna miss you and i'm not even in the position to tell you. this sucks
i feel like listening to hard music with loud, thumping drums and heavy beats. and i'm hungry. not looking forward to any of the next 2 months very much
Tuesday, April 7, 2009 . 3:36 AM
hmm i'm starting to miss alot of ppl who i havent talked to in ages. like, maybe say, years? probably shld try to meet up with them soon. oh yeah. camp's in a week(: im KINDA excited abt it? but it's kinda worrying me that it might be rigorous so i won't be able to take part alot? oh man): i don't wanna sit out the whole time! but, they most likely wldn't make us work out since there are older ppl around right? bones might break!(: hahha ok total bs. anyway i gotta get stuff before saturday so i can start packing. and i havent even been into the sch so i have no idea whr the freaking meeting venue is): im gonna get lost on the first, UNOFFICIAL day D: oh man i suck. hahahha anywaysss i hope it wont be that bad. mum's laving this week too. better ask her abt mission trip in june before she goes. shld be asleep now, but im practically nocturnal at the moment so yeah. big problem. let me go find something intriguing to amuse myself with while i wait for sleepiness to bang me in the forehead(:Friday, April 3, 2009 . 4:11 AM
it's really late, i've got a headache, and i've got physio later): sucks.Sunday, March 29, 2009 . 3:43 AM
im sick. ugh. bloody flu): im just abt ready to cough out my lungs at any momentlooking forward to cell outing later(:
i need sleep
oh yeah. earth hour!
Thursday, March 26, 2009 . 4:59 PM
been lazy to update =/ anyway taiwan was great and so was hk. hk was damn bloody cold and i wish i cld have enjoyed myself more): too bad that shit had to happen. ah well. and i discovered a new drink! i swear its THE BEST MAN. its called ai yu and singapore doesn't sell it =/ brilliant i don't think i'll go back to taiwan for quite awhile again. cool to see my dad so mellowed(: and oh yeah speaking of that, my mum is moving to taiwan? don't know what bullshit excuse she's giving herself and i don't know what the f she's got running through her brain. she's leaving in roughly 10 days and coming back in abt 2 months? so she's gonna leave us here with our grandparents and run off. wth pls. uugh some of her decisions can kill the dead again i tell you. anyway been going out quite alot lately and i've been eating alot of chocolate. so now i've got a cough. hahaha this is the first time ever i think, that i've actually gotten a cough from too much chocolate. cause normally my body doesn't comply to the "too heaty, too cooling" shit. i'm so proud of myself(: maybe i'm gonna be normal soon! hahah yeah right. met some new friends and they're cool man! i feel like talking to huimei suddenly? hahah shall give her a call later and i shall try to rmb (try not to be so lazy) to update my blog more often(xhave i mentioned i'm dying of boredom at home aft like 6 months? i can't even write anymore i think hahah hilarios oh dear i better go practice =/ and i don't want to go to sch and not know anyone! damn this is frustrating
Saturday, February 7, 2009 . 2:24 AM
leaving for taiwan in abt 9hrs, waking up in abt 7 hrs. i wonder if i'm actually looking forward to going thr. be back in the first week of march(: i hope my grandparents know what to do when the package comes=/ "bond" with joy k and ama when i get back ahahha gonna be damn lame(x gonna miss church for 4 weeks, gonna be even more bored in Taiwan than at home cause there's no msn!): ): maybe i'll just download it without my bro knowing hahhaha and bummer its 25 degrees thr alr): anymore and i'll refuse to go! i hope i've packed well and didn't miss out anything! yeah right i prob did(: at least there are 2 dogs thr so i wont be that unamused(x mum alr booked steamboat at a restaurant thr! so brilliant. we haven't even left SG yet and she's booked all the way to TAIWAN. sigh. gonna miss out here i guess=/ good bye sg and all my friends(: see you when i back!yay me. gonna walk through the metal detectors tmr and set them all off(;
Friday, February 6, 2009 . 3:56 AM
how come the packages aren't here yettt. =/leaving for taiwan this saturday and the flight's at 11am so i hope i can wake up at 8. been sleeping at around 4am everyday for the past 2 weeks not good for the body. i hope taiwan's still cold from winter(: if not not very fun. haha be back in a month and gonna go to hk for a few nights cause thr's a stop-over thr. hope we dont end up fighting ad ruin the whole thing. cousin's wedding is on the 15th i think(: wonder if we got her a present. must have right. um, that reminds me i haven't packed yet. and i don't know if i'm missing anyhting. gotta wake up earlyyy tmr to go do stuff with mum and get stuff which we need.
hm i wonder what they'll say when they scan the bags and find my 2 stuffed toys in them hahaha oh well too bad but they're def fitting into my bag for the duration! damn so embarrassing=/
"holidays sian until cannot sian to anywhr alr!" hahahha yeah i agree. dying of boredom mannnnnzxxzxz
better go sleep now before i refuse to wake up tmr(:
i think i'm finally getting to accept it
Sunday, February 1, 2009 . 2:32 AM
Too good to be trueThe universe is passin' by
----- Sunday, Feb 1, 2009. 2:34 am
haven't blogged for a long time, i guess. been bumming around at home without anything to do. been going out with friends sometimes just to walk abt aimlessly. been using the computer and the tv cause it feels wierd not to use them. been ignoring my phone. been drinking, been eating, been sleeping. been doing all the essentials, necessities, and norms. brain still wasting away so i'm becoming more of a retard. going to poly so sch starts in April for me(: going to Taiwan for a month cause cousin's getting married, and cause sch starts only in April. decisions to be made abt whether im gonna start that thing or not. havent gone for physio for 1482301286 years and missed 235619867329 appointments. still don't know my new year's resolution. getting sick of bloody fakers. happily sleeping really late in the night/early in the morning. unhappily thinking abt paying adult fares soon):. worrying about things.
aiya. what's thr to read. everything a teenager has to do, will do, has no choice but to do, wants to do, and so on.
yet, somehow, i've got a feeling this yr'll be better and diff from any other year i've had. damn, i hope its true.
Monday, January 12, 2009 . 2:04 AM
my heart is beating so bloody fast i wonder if its gonna fail any moment. results are coming out in abt 12 hours, and God im nervous. what if i cant get less than 15 points? or what if i cant even get below 20 points?! wtf man. i hate o's. hate it to the effing max. aft 4 years spent in sec sch i dunno if i can pass the ultimate test? what a joke. what have i been doing?! shittttttttttttttttt. and i wonder if anyone knows how fucking badly i regret not mugging properly for o's. people keep saying 'don't worry, relax' i know i have to but can i? its not that simple. the freaking regret i have is nagging and slashing at my sides. all cause i didnt study properly. i cant rmb if i felt like this while waiting for my psle results, but i think it didnt come close to what im feeling now. regret regret regret. if i complain, im sure everyone will just say 'serves you right. who asked you not to study.' how true. consolation turns into realisation. sigh. i do believe that God has a plan for all of us, i just wish that this plan isn't gonna hurt. hopefully i will be jumping for joy tmr and be one of those who cracks a smile after staring at the long anticipated o level grades in my hands.How I wish.... i wish it weren't so
So take this wine & drink with me
Let's delay our misery
Save tonight
And fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
Tomorrow I'll be gone
Save tonight
And fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
Tomorrow I'll be gone
oh yeah, i gotta wake up early and buy temporary black hair spray tmr morning. and then figure out what i will be allowed to wear to sch tmr so i can collect my stuff without getting into too much trouble. cause im not even gonna bother taking out my studs. be happy alr that im deciding not to leave my hair the way it is and walk through the school gates. ah, the bitter-sweet joy of rebellion.
good luck guys
